The Fundamentals of Being a Compelling Speaker
I find myself evaluating how people speak and how compelling their message is all the time.
It’s a given in my profession - while watching speeches on TV; when people speak in meetings and/or interviews; and even when I am speaking with someone on the phone. I find myself inadvertently noting what strengthens and/or weakens what they are saying, and whether they communicate their message effectively.
Many people stress over public speaking, specifically, but focusing on becoming a more effective speaker in your communications with others in your day-to-day interactions generally carries over to being a more confident and compelling public speaker, too.
Here are some best practices for you to consider to ensure you effectively make your points, get your message across, and embody the presence needed to make people pay attention and listen to you. These focus on what you say, how you say it, and how you show up.
What You Say: Know Your Audience and Be Tangible and Specific
Have you ever had a conversation with someone in which they use a lot of words to say nothing? Most of the time, this occurs because people overly rely on intangible concepts, idioms, acronyms, abbreviations, jargon, and/or pronouns and lose the listener along the way in a jumbled mix of words and phrases (a word salad, if you will).
Or the person assumes you know more than you do and uses shortcuts on discussing a specific issue, or talking about it at such a high-level that you find yourself lost as the person receiving the information.
In these cases, your response will likely be “what are you talking about?” or “what do you mean?”
A best practice for being tangible and specific is to develop an understanding of your audience, and then speaking to them in terms of the information they need to get them to understand what you are trying to convey.
Focus on being tangible and specific in order to get your point across. Being tangible means making what you say relate to the person you are speaking to: how do they connect to, envision, and receive that information? The less they know about the situation or topic that you are addressing, the more you will need to connect them into tangible elements they do know that help them understand what you are trying to convey.
Additionally, on being specific, you must be detailed and clear. The more details you can bring to the conversation, the more clear and fully formed what you are trying to say becomes. However, beware of exhausting the person with too many details - you must strike a balance or they will tune out. This is why knowing your audience is so vital.
What You Say: Tell a Story and/or Make it Personal
The best way to connect with someone and/or to get them to understand your perspective is to make it real for them by telling a story or making it personal. The main thing on this is not to get lost in the minutiae - you must tell the story in the context of the connection or point you want to make for that person. You do not need to elaborate beyond that.
Storytelling is the best way to explain something to someone and/or to make something tangible for people.
How You Say It: Embody Confidence and Authenticity
In addition to what you say, how you say it registers with the people you are speaking to. And how you say it can project confidence and believability or it can convey the opposite on both points.
Do’s:
Stay aligned with your values.
Mean what you say.
Watch your tone to ensure you sound strong.
Be succinct in expressing your thoughts.
Be aware of your body language: stand up straight with shoulders back.
Speak in a focused and structured way with intention.
Speak when you have something unique or valuable to add to the conversation.
Keep in mind that silence is a powerful tool that can convey a lot standalone.
Maintain direct eye contact with your audience.
Don’ts:
Do not say things you do not mean.
Avoid upspeak.
Do not rely on filler words such as “ah,” “um,” and “like.”
Do not read words verbatim off of a page.
Avoid looking around when you are directly talking to someone.
Do not bullshit or waste time.
How You Say It: Be Aware of Your Delivery and Whether or Not it Puts Others on the Defensive
In general, most people stop listening when they feel threatened. Even if it is unintentional, putting someone on the defensive shuts down the conversation.
You can avoid putting someone on the defensive by avoiding employing short, choppy, and abrupt speech and/or pointed remarks. All of these have the potential to trigger people to get defensive, shut down, and stop listening.
Remember, you can say something definitively and make a contrasting or conflicting point without being a jerk. In most cases, doing so with grace makes you a stronger speaker and the bigger person.
How You Say It: Eye Contact
Eye contact is a form of communication standalone, and maintaining eye contact is a huge part of communicating. Eye contact alone can be a huge differentiator to your strength as a speaker.
Locking into your audience with eye contact is important. Looking around or avoiding eye contact is both distracting and conveys weakness. It also is a tell regarding whether someone is guarded and/or has issues with intimacy and letting other people in.
On the other hand, staring is rude and an intense gaze can be off putting. You must find the right balance and that only comes from practice and self awareness.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but I highly recommend practicing direct eye contact while you are speaking to build that muscle and your level of comfort with it.
What You Say: Come Prepared for the Discussion, Meeting, or Interview
The context informs a lot (discussion, meeting, or interview) and a best practice is to always come prepared:
Do your research to come informed on the issues that will be discussed and to know the perspective and person (or people) you will be discussing it with. Having some background also better equips you to answer questions on the fly and feel more confident with the subject matter, in general.
Ask smart (not obvious) questions. This demonstrates that you are actively listening and thinking critically about what is being shared with you. It also demonstrates your smarts and strategic thinking.
Actively listen. Dialogue is a two way street and an equal exchange. And actively listening and processing what someone is sharing with you is critical to receiving the information they are trying to convey. Despite people claiming they are great multitaskers and that they are listening to you while they are texting or on their phone, active listening requires focus and must be done without other activities that dilute your mental focus and attention.
How You Show Up: How Appearance Factors In
How you present yourself communicates its own message.
If you’re sitting down for an interview, even if it is virtual, come dressed and prepared for the interview as if it were taking place in person. This applies to whether you are the person being interviewed, and even if you are the person conducting the interview. How you show up communicates how seriously you take the interaction to the person or people you are interacting with.
Be intentional about how your dress and general appearance match the scenario you are speaking in. If your hair is a mess, will that distract from what you have to say? Or make the other person take you less seriously?
Generally, appearance should not factor into what you have to say or how you say it, but how you show up creates an impression of its own and you want to ensure that it supports your message.
How You Show Up: Be Conscientious of the Space You Take Up and Equitable to the Others You Are in Dialogue With
We’ve all been in conversations with people who talk so much and for so long that we cannot get a word in. This is your reminder that a conversation or dialogue is an exchange, and you need to develop enough self awareness to be able to pause and let others contribute.
How Do I Evaluate Myself as a Speaker and How Can I Improve?
My number one recommendation for everyone is to record a video speaking directly to camera and watch it to evaluate what you say, how you sound, and how you come off when speaking.
You will notice the ‘um’s, ‘like’s, and ‘ah’s; you will notice if your shoulders are slumped downward (projecting defeat); you will notice whether you sound strong or you sound weak; and you will notice if what you say makes sense as a listener.
Make a practice of this that’s regular or start creating videos of yourself speaking on social media (like on TikTok), and I guarantee that you will improve your skills as a speaker.
Feel free to book a consultation if you are interested in exploring how I can support you on improving your communication and/or speaking skills.